Im up late, again.

I crave this quite time. When all is well, ira & jared in bed asleep, babe asleep in arms.

Every morning I awake wishing I had gotten more rest, but by the end of the night, I need some adult time.

Part of what is keeping me up tonight is ira's energy.

Its endless.

I went & bought some new dan zanes music, a johnny cash kids album, new educational stuff, new toys... activity books.... but I know she is simply craving that momma time. She gets plenty on the weekends because Jared is home and can entertain olive while I get in my ira fix. But throughout the week, I can see her get frustrated because I am nursing Liv AGAIN... or because I have to tell her, "no painting right now" or "please dont push on liv's feet"...or any number of little things I cannot do immediately. I believe this to be a learning curve for us.

Pre-Liv, every situation was tailored only to Ira, and she has done an amazing job coping. I have struggled, though. I get visibly frustrated when I can't do it all.

So, I am sitting here saddened at another day of my struggling. Im just dreaming of when Liv can sit up and play along a little.

I love the way we are raising these kids, I know it makes sense, but I do not have all the answers.

I do not know how to stay present and calm and aware after Liv is cranky for three hours on end because every time I get her asleep, Ira shouts or needs to pee or is hungry or something.

OR

Everytime I am doing something for Ira, Liv starts crying, wets a diaper or needs to nurse.

They both are innocent little beings with needs, all of those needs are important to me, so I sit here, going over the day, deciding what I will do differently tomorrow and telling myself repeatedly that a couple of tele shows are not going to wipe clean all the knowledge I have so far imparted unto her.

Oh, and by the way- babycenter sent me a "your 3 year old this week" email.... with tips on how to teach colors to a three year old.

do people wait this long?

Im curious.

my word of the day today is "perfunctory"...it's such a cool word, but not the coolest meaning...

"lacking interest or enthusiasm" blah hooey.

it should mean "perfect fun factory" as in "the children's museum is a perfunctory of joy".

Im writing webster.