8 years *contains expletives*

happy anniversary jared.

i was going to just write your standard “happy anniversary! heres to 8years married and many more to come!”

but i didnt think that was fair. 

2012 has not been a friendly year to marriages. 

in the news, in my circle, in my general knowledge, in my own home- its been good to okay to mediocre to down right awful to divorces and splits and affairs and and and. 

so in light of how G*D DAMNED HARD 2012 has been, and its only been 2012 for 7 months....i thought my husband deserved more than some one stop shop of congratulatory loving. 

he deserved PUBLIC HONORING- but im not sooooo good at being "honorable"... here goes my best......

now, anyone that knows me, knows that i am **not** a “stay together for the kids” type person. 

i often say things like 

“life is tooo short to be miserable everyday”

or 

“you have to honor yourself and your needs”

and 

“there is someone for everyone, if you are both unhappy- free each other up to find their someone”

or 

"you must not know bout me, you must not know bout me......" [beyonce]

so theres that. 

I lay no judgment whatsoever on you or yours or what ever choices you make or dont. 

I have no dog in that race, i have no horse or cat or monkey in it either.... so really, let me just stop repeating awkward and corny quotes to prove to you how much this isnt about anything anyone does. 

This here is about jared and I.

When I cheated on jared, i was so ashamed, and so confused and sad and depressed, i kinda just wanted it all over. for him to hate me and leave me.

isnt that the way to end a relationship? isnt that what everyone says “i can forgive anything so long as you arent cheating on me”?!

well, except i really missed my husband. i really wanted to stay married.... maybe. 

honestly, we had only been married a little under two years and i really didnt know what i wanted or needed.

i thought i wanted someone who 

“gets me” 

“makes me laugh”

“is INTERESTED in what I am INTERESTED in”

“is exciting”

But one night i said “i just want us to be able to look at each other the way we used to, and now i have ruined it and you will never love me the same way again”

jared looked at me and said 

“you are right, i wont ever love you that way again, that way was new and exciting but its wasnt THIS. THIS is real. i will love you MORE. I will look at you with a different respect because we fought next to each other for US and we will make it through and KNOW that if we made it through the one unthinkable thing- we can do anything. we will be invincible.”

truth is, anyone can be exciting and new. 

anyone can be interested in you when they arent listening to you fart & snore at 3 am. ( or all fucking night long)

or wiping up your puke as you profess undying love after a long night at the pub.

or when they dont have to wake up and find that you didnt take the trash out AGAIN. every day for a month.

or when they dont have to worry about your bills, or your spending habis.... or your health......

i cant remember the person who said it, so help me out if you know this one, but jared says it allllll the time.

“the trick isnt being in love all the damned time. its making sure you dont BOTH fall out of love at the SAME TIME”

because lord knows jared and I didnt get to this point by being awesome partners. 

he is NOT the most perfect human ever. 

and I keep perfection at a healthy healthy HEALTHY distance. 

we are so imperfect, in fact, that i could fill ten more pages about how much i probably suck as a wife, and even more (or less) about jared.... depending on the day, though,  i could also sing us both a ton of mostly true, slightly exaggerated praises.... 

But that doesnt matter. 

truth is- none of any of it matters. 

he is my parnter in crime and combat. 

we’ve been through the trenches. 

ive carried him, he has carried me. 

we have brawled. danced. hooped together.

we have sang van morrison, NOFX and the cure together. 

he held me as i went all zen and goddess and  birthed olive into a pool of water in our kitchen, and again during cedrics birth, when i spewed bodily fluids & screamed like a 220pound banshee and shot my placenta into the mirror. 

we have made it through infidelity, the NAVY, job loss, suspended unemployment, selling his childhood home. living out of hotels and our minivan.

go pro (so far)

he held me when my best friend died suddenly in a car accident. 

i held him when his beloved grandmother passed away. 

we have rushed to the emergency room together with our bleeding kid. 

we have stayed up until sunrise with friends on the worst nights of their lives. 

we have held hands and kissed at the weddings of people who had no idea what they were getting into.

we have broken down on the side of the road. literally and figuratively. 

we have screamed at each other as pipes were breaking and water was spraying all over our home. then we laughed as we mopped it up together. (or as he mopped and i chugged wine.)

we have gambled and lost and gambled and won. 

the thing is, when i think of all the things we have done this past 8 years.... i just cant think of another person in the whole wide world that i want to do the next 8 years with. 

there is something that this therapist we went to made us do. 

i think it changed our course in this journey together. 

and so on this momentous day, i will share it with you.

First, she said  “there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor. there is no such thing as the perfect woman. when you feel like you hate each other, or that you cannot stand each other.  sit across from them, knees touching, hold each others hands, and look each other in the eyes. because its hard to say hurtful things to each other when you are touching.”

it sounded sooooooooooooo cheesy. 

but she made us do it, and when our knees touched, i was like “yeah stupidest thing EVERRRRR”  and when he grabbed my hands i was like “awkward and lame” but when we sat there, touching and holding hands and staring into each others eyes. I saw my someone. the same someone i found in a bar. the same someone i married in vegas with elvis. the same someone i moved cross country for. 

Right there where i had left him.

I still see you jared thomas inchiostro. 

i see you and i am soooooo thankful for your love.

i think instead of “til death do us part” we should say “no one left behind”

cuz this marriage shit is the craziest fucking thing i have ever done. 

Every day sets a new record and the only easy day was yesterday!